Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
