You're my little dorito
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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