She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
