you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
