so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
