I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
