they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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