you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
