Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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