and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
