Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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