Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
