dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
