In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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