Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why didn't you poke me back
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
