clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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