my mouth tastes like poor choices
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
