no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
