Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
