dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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