I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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