Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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