There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
