I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
