I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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