You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
