wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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