When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
