I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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