I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
