you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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