Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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