found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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