Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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