i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
