redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
