i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
