I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
