I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
