I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
vagina is talking i cant
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
