I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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