He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
