Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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