I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
