I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
