i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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