pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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