ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
