i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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