what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
