so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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