I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
