That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
