respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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